I turned 40 yesterday, so today is my first full day of being 40.

There hasn't been a preponderance of change, really.  Given that we live a day at a time, it really does just creep by and keep going.  Thankfully.

At 40, I'm over halfway to my 'life expectancy' as a male Canadian.  Optimistically, and genetically, I very well could be halfway there rather than over halfway.  

When I was a teenager, I always said I would live to 100.  Of course I said it because it's a nice round number, it felt extremely long, and overly optimistic.  With all the advances in medicines, sciences, nutrition, well, who the hell knows.  May be it's a pessimistic end goal.

Who would have thought.  24 years ago we were celebrating my Mother's 40th birthday.  That's a head trip.

But what's really a head-trip is how complete I felt at 16, at 18.  And how incomplete I feel now.  Not an uncontented incomplete, but in the way a professional comes to know what they don't know rather than thinking they know more than they do.

I guess age brings a certain kind of experiential wisdom, but it's still a head trip.

When I was half of what I am now, I was 20.  I was still with my high-school sweetheart back then.  The internet was smaller back then.  The next steps were smaller to.  I was beholden only to myself.

I know some people argue that you are only ever beholden to yourself, but the reality is a hundred strings being pulled by a hundred hands.

So, 40.   The first day was alright.  Working, of course.  Catching up with a few friends, sure.  

Life is good.  40 is good so far.

I do not fear the coming of age, and the falling of time away from the candle that is me, it's the eventual cessation that crumbs my bum when I let it.  For now though, I have a roll of quarters and I'm going to enjoy the playground while I can, and run maintenance on the rides so my kids can continue to enjoy the playground after I'm gone.